Music: {allcanada} Funny celeb predictions for 2012

Friday, December 30, 2011

{allcanada} Funny celeb predictions for 2012

What will 2012 have in store for uber humans such as Justin Bieber, Alanis Morissette, Ryan Gosling and Barack Obama?

Heck if I know.

But the following are some tongue-in-cheek predictions of highly unlikely news stories that you probably won't hear about in the upcoming year.

Pam Anderson to Cushion Blows!

Ford Motor Company is set to announce that its front and side airbags for 2013 vehicles are to be replaced by the newly developed "Pam Anderson Cushion Bag." Instead of a white plastic bag filled with dust exploding in a driver's face, accident victims will instead have a soft, silicon gel with soft blond casing save them from harm.

Obama New Minister of Health, Moves to Ottawa

Because American President Barack Obama lost his re-election bid for presidency for attempting to introduce "socialized" medicine to the U.S., Canada has come to his rescue with a job offer.

After several meetings with Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq has agreed to job share her own position." It'll be a 50-50 split, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family anyway," said Aglukkaq. "I don't mind helping a man down on his luck."

Alanis Morissette: Another Baby with Name Synonymous with 'Always'

Sources say The Jagged Little Pill singer is five months pregnant -- and already knows the sex of the baby. It's a girl! Morissette and husband, Mario "Souleye" Treadway wracked their brains over what to name their first child, Ever, who was born last Christmas. "We want the babies names to match," the famous lyricist told expectant mothers at her Lamaze class. "We'll call her Constantly."

Ontario Wine Brings Home the Gold

Wayne Gretzky Estates Winery's 2008 Estate Series Shiraz-Cabernet -- which took the gold at the Ontario Wine Awards -- won the prestigious International Wine and Spirit competition during the blind taste tests by snooty judges from France. Score to those who bought a bottle at $22.95. The win means the bottle is now worth $1,800.

Justin Bieber New American Idol Host

"Justin please help me out!" Ryan Seacrest's emotional appeal to the pop star to relieve him of his hosting role on American Idol -- so he could take the hosting gig at The Today Show -- worked. Said Bieber: "As long as Selena doesn't get jealous of me flirting with Jennifer Lopez, we're good."

Ryan Gosling Turns Down Best Actor Oscar

"No, I simply can't take it," Ryan Gosling told a stunned Academy Award audience who begged Gosling to accept the statuette for his stunning work in The Ides of March. "How can I possibly accept this award when I see that a fellow Vancouverite deserves it so much more?"

And the Best Actor Oscar Instead Goes to":

Ryan Reynolds for his role in The Change-Up.